Three weeks into the school year, you know something is wrong.



It might be the meltdowns that start in the car on the way to school. The child who used to sleep through the night now can't settle before 11pm. The stomachaches every Monday morning that have no medical explanation. The regression in skills you spent all summer reinforcing. The complete shutdown when you ask what happened at school today.

Something is wrong. And you suspect — rightly — that the IEP isn't helping.

This post is for that moment. Not the beginning-of-year planning post you've probably already read. Not the general "here's what an IEP is" explainer. This is specifically for the parent who is three to six weeks in, watching their child unravel, and wondering what they're actually allowed to do about it before June.

The answer is: a lot more than most schools will tell you.

The signs an IEP isn't working — and they're not all obvious

The most obvious sign — a child in crisis at school — is actually the one schools are most likely to address on their own. The subtler signs are the ones that don't generate incident reports but matter just as much clinically.

Regression in previously mastered skills. Communication skills that were solid in July. Self-care routines that had been consistent for months. Social interactions that your child has been managing. When skills that were established go backward, the environment is usually the reason. A new classroom, new staff, new sensory demands, a different routine — any of these can pull a child backward if the IEP isn't scaffolding the transition adequately.

School avoidance and somatic complaints. Headaches, stomachaches, and requests to stay home that cluster around school days are a child's body telling you something the IEP is failing to address. These are not manipulation. They are a nervous system under sustained stress, and they deserve the same clinical attention as behavioral outbursts.

Sleep disruption. Sleep problems in autistic children often spike when daytime stress is high. If your child was sleeping reasonably well in August and is now dysregulated at bedtime, the school day is almost certainly contributing.

Changes in affect and engagement at home. A child who comes home from school and immediately shuts down, stimulates intensively, or is emotionally volatile is often depleting all their regulatory reserves during the school day. The IEP may be demanding more than they can sustain.

Flat or absent communication about school. Verbal children who stop talking about school, and non-speaking children who show increased avoidance around anything school-related, are communicating something important. Loss of approach toward an environment is a behavioral signal worth taking seriously.

What you're not seeing. Sometimes the sign isn't behavior at home — it's what you're not seeing in the school data. Flat progress graphs on IEP goals. Objectives that haven't been touched in six weeks. Therapists who have been absent and whose hours haven't been made up. All of these appear on paper, not at pickup, but they're real signals that the plan isn't being delivered.

The IEP is wrong vs. the IEP isn't being implemented — the fix is different

Before you request a meeting, it helps to know which problem you're dealing with. The answer shapes everything — who needs to be in the room, what you're asking for, and what a realistic outcome looks like.



The IEP is wrong means the document itself doesn't match your child's current needs. Goals that don't address what's actually hard. Accommodations that were written for a child who existed in May but not the child sitting in front of you now. Service hours that weren't enough to begin with, or that reflected a negotiated compromise rather than a clinical recommendation. If this is the problem, you need a meeting to revise the IEP document.

The IEP isn't being implemented means the document is adequate, but what's on the paper isn't happening in the classroom. The accommodation is written but staff aren't using it. The speech therapist is supposed to push in three times a week but has only been there once. The BCBA is supposed to consult monthly but hasn't been seen yet. If this is the problem, you need a different conversation — one about accountability, documentation, and make-up services — and possibly a complaint rather than a revision.

In practice, many families are dealing with both simultaneously. An IEP written without adequate input from the family or the child's private therapists is often both wrong on paper and poorly implemented in practice.

To figure out which you have, ask the school for the most recent progress data on each IEP goal and a log of which services have been delivered and when. You're entitled to this. If the data shows services aren't being delivered, that's an implementation problem. If the data shows services are being delivered but your child is still struggling, that's more likely a document problem.

Your legal right to request a review at any time

This is the thing most parents don't know, and schools rarely volunteer.

Under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), you have the right to request an IEP team meeting at any time, for any reason.¹ You do not need to wait for the annual review. You do not need the school's permission. You do not need a crisis to justify the request.

IDEA does not specify an exact number of days for when a school must respond to a parent's written meeting request, but the expectation is that schools act in a timely manner — typically within 30 days of the written request. Maryland specifically interprets this as convening the IEP team within 30 days of the request, consistent with COMAR 13A.05.01.06. In Virginia, following a reevaluation or when changes are needed, the IEP must be developed within 30 calendar days if the parent requests it.

Thirty days is the outer boundary, not the typical turnaround. Many schools will schedule a meeting faster than that, particularly when a child is in obvious distress. What matters is that the clock starts when you submit a written request — which is why the written request matters.

Schools can decline to hold a meeting if they believe one isn't necessary, but they must issue a Prior Written Notice explaining why. That notice creates a paper trail that is useful if you later need to escalate.

How to request a meeting in writing

Written. Not a phone call. Not a conversation at pickup. Written — email is fine and preferable because it creates a timestamped record.

Here is sample language you can adapt:

Dear [Special Education Coordinator / Case Manager Name],

I am writing to formally request an IEP team meeting for [child's name], who currently has an IEP on file with [school name].

I am requesting this meeting because I have observed [describe specific concerns — regression in communication skills, increased school avoidance, changes in sleep, specific behaviors, failure to make progress on goals]. I believe the current IEP may need to be reviewed and potentially revised to better address [child's name]'s current needs.

I am available [include several date/time options or indicate your general availability]. Please confirm receipt of this request and provide a proposed meeting date within the next 30 calendar days.

I also request, in advance of the meeting, the following: — Current progress data for all IEP goals — A log of services delivered since the start of the school year, including dates and duration for each service type — A copy of any recent behavioral data collected by school staff

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Sincerely, [Your name]

Send this to your child's case manager and copy the school's special education coordinator or director. Keep a copy for your records. If you don't receive a response within five business days, follow up in writing.

What data to bring to the meeting

Your observations matter. The school's data matters more to the meeting itself, but your documentation shapes the conversation and fills gaps that school-based data frequently misses.

From home: A brief log — two weeks is enough — documenting what you're seeing. Be specific: "Refused to get in the car Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Tuesday vomited before school. Sleep disrupted 4 of 7 nights, with extended time to fall asleep and early waking." Specific observations are harder to dismiss than general impressions.

From your child: If your child is verbal, their own observations carry weight in an IEP meeting. What is hard? What is loud? Who helps and who doesn't? A child who can say "the hallway is too loud and I can't think after that" has given you a clinically useful statement that belongs in the room. If your child uses AAC or another communication system, prepare for them to contribute through that system.

From private therapists: If your child receives ABA, speech, or OT outside of school, ask those providers for a brief written summary of current skill levels, any regression they've observed, and any recommendations they have for the school environment. A note from a private BCBA carries real weight in an IEP meeting, particularly one that documents specific skill regression or identifies environmental factors.

From previous IEPs: Bring the document. Mark the goals and accommodations that aren't being addressed. Have a specific section to point to when you say something isn't working.

What to ask for

Going into the meeting with specific requests makes it more productive and harder to deflect. Vague expressions of concern give the school room to respond vaguely. Specific requests require specific responses.

Goal revisions. If goals don't reflect current needs, ask for them to be rewritten with updated baselines and measurable criteria. If new areas need to be targeted, say so explicitly — "I'm requesting that [communication skill / behavioral support / sensory accommodation] be added as a new goal."

Accommodations. If accommodations aren't working or aren't being used, ask for them to be revised, clarified, or replaced. Specificity helps: instead of "sensory support," ask for "access to noise-reducing headphones in the hallway and during transitions, with staff prompt to offer them before each transition."

Service hours. If your child needs more time with a speech therapist, BCBA, or OT, request it in writing during the meeting. The school is required to respond. If they decline, they must issue Prior Written Notice explaining why.

Placement considerations. If the current classroom isn't the right setting — not enough support, too many students, wrong ratio, wrong intensity — you can request a placement review. The Least Restrictive Environment principle means the school must justify placement decisions.

An Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE). If you disagree with the school's evaluation of your child, you have the right to request an IEE at public expense. The school must either fund the evaluation or file for due process to defend their own. This is a significant escalation, but it's a real option when you genuinely distrust the data the school is using to make decisions.

The timeline: what happens after you request a meeting

One practical note: Maryland interprets the IEP meeting timeline as convening within 30 days, consistent with COMAR 13A.05.01.06 and 34 CFR § 300.303. In Virginia, the IEP must be developed within 30 calendar days if the parent requests it following a reevaluation or when the IEP team determines changes are needed. Put the date of your written request in the email or letter. The clock is real and schools are aware of it.



When to escalate

Most IEP review requests are resolved at the meeting level. Schools generally respond appropriately when a parent comes prepared, requests specific things, and documents the conversation in writing afterward. But escalation is appropriate and sometimes necessary.

Special education director. If the case manager or school-level team is unresponsive or the meeting produces nothing actionable, request a meeting with the district's special education director. This often accelerates things.

State complaint. Both Maryland and Virginia allow parents to file a state complaint when a school is not complying with IDEA requirements. Maryland complaints go to the Maryland State Department of Education's Office for Exceptional Children Services. Virginia complaints go to the VDOE Office of Dispute Resolution and Administrative Services. The VDOE must resolve a written, signed complaint within 60 calendar days of its receipt, unless exceptional circumstances exist. State complaints are most useful for clear procedural violations — services not being delivered, timelines not being met.

Due process. For disputes about the content of the IEP itself — whether your child's programme constitutes a Free Appropriate Public Education — due process is the formal legal avenue. It is the most time-consuming and adversarial option, and most families benefit from having an advocate or attorney if they go this route. In Virginia, mediation is available at no cost through VDOE as a step before formal due process.

Why "wait until the annual" is usually bad advice

The annual review exists as a floor, not a ceiling. It ensures that the IEP is revisited at least once a year. It does not mean that the IEP can only be changed once a year.

A child who unravels in October and waits until March for their annual review has lost roughly a semester of appropriate support. In early childhood, that's clinically significant. In middle and high school, it can affect academic credits, social development, and transition planning in ways that compound over time.

Skills regress faster than they develop. An autistic child who spends four months in an environment that doesn't fit their needs isn't just marking time — they're potentially losing ground that took years to build. The annual review date is administrative. Your child's needs are not.

The ABA perspective: why school-based hours can and should change mid-year

This is the part I think about most as a BCBA.

ABA services written into an IEP are not fixed for the year. They can be increased, decreased, changed in modality, or refocused at any IEP team meeting. If your child's current school-based ABA hours aren't addressing what's happening right now — if the behaviour support plan doesn't reflect current behaviours, if the goals haven't been updated since the evaluation, if the BCBA hasn't been in the classroom — that is a reason to request a meeting.

A school-based BCBA and a private BCBA can and should be in communication. All Star ABA's school-based work is specifically structured around this coordination: our BCBAs review what is written in the IEP, attend meetings when invited, contribute data, and help bridge the gap between what's on paper and what's happening in the classroom. When the gap is too wide, we help families identify what to ask for.

If you're in Maryland or Virginia and you're watching your child struggle while the school year advances, the next step isn't waiting. It's writing the email.

All Star ABA provides school-based ABA therapy and in-home ABA therapy across Maryland and Virginia. If your child's IEP isn't working and you want support navigating the next step, contact our team. We've been in these meetings. We know what to ask for.

Related reading on All Star ABA:

• IEP Goals for Autistic Children: What to Advocate for Before the School Year
• Back-to-School Prep for Autistic Children: A 4-Week Countdown
• What Your Child's BCBA Actually Does — and How to Know It's Working

Frequently asked questions

Sources

1. Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). 20 U.S.C. § 1414(d). https://sites.ed.gov/idea/
   
   
2. Maryland State Department of Education. MSDE complaint decision citing COMAR 13A.05.01.06 and 34 CFR § 300.303. https://marylandpublicschools.org/programs/documents/special-ed/fsdr/complaintletters/2026/3/26-392aacps-a.pdf
   
   
3. Virginia Administrative Code. 8VAC20-81-110. Individualized Education Program. https://law.lis.virginia.gov/admincode/title8/agency20/chapter81/section110/
   
   
4. VA Family Special Education Connection. Special Education FAQs — IEP timelines. https://vafamilysped.org/new-to-special-ed
   
   
5. Parents' Place of Maryland (PPMD). IEP timeline factsheet. https://www.ppmd.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/IEP-Timeline-SPED-1.2021.pdf